I Thought This Was Leadership

Written By Elisabeth Brown

For a long time, I thought leadership meant being the one everyone needed.


At home, it looked like four kids calling my name at the same time. At work, it looked like being cc’d on everything.

I thought that was responsibility.

I thought that was strength.

I thought that was leadership.

Wearing all of the hats, all of the time. Being the ‘go-to’ person. The one who always had the answer. 
I think a quiet lie we’re told when we’re growing up is that this person is impressive, they know what’s going on, they ‘juggle SO WELL’.

Ma’am. Sir. Sit down.

No.

Let’s address one huge thing before we move on - I married a good man, one who is very capable of doing 95% of what I do (still working on making sourdough)... but I kid you not, I’d be showering and Micah would be perfectly available and willing in the kitchen WITH THE KIDS, and they would seek me out in the bathroom. BAFFLING.

And if you’re a parent, you already know exactly what I mean.

I digress. Because here’s the thing: 


The person who holds the whole deck is not juggling well. They’re just the one no one else has stopped depending on yet.

They’re exhausted.

Being The Default Feels Like Responsibility 

This is obviously incredibly true at home, but it shows up just as clearly in business.

At home this looks like ‘default parent’ we hear about so often: 

  • The one who knows where everything is

  • The one who tracks the schedule

  • The one who fixes the problems

  • The one who anticipate the meltdowns

At work this looks like the CEO trying to do it all:

  • Approving every decision

  • Solving every client issue

  • Being looped in “just in case”

  • Holding the vision AND the details

Not because they don’t trust their team. But because they care: about the people they’re responsible for, the company they built, and the outcome.


And because somewhere along the way, being NEEDED starts to feel like proof you were leading well.

The problem is… when everything runs through you, nothing really grows past you. 

Kids don’t build confidence if one parent solves everything; chaos increases when no one else knows the system.


And at work? Teams stop thinking… decisions bottleneck with you as the CEO… growth stalls… and the founder quietly burns out. Not because they’re incapable, but because they’re carrying a structure that was never meant to depend on one person.

Leadership isn’t about stepping away; it’s about building something strong enough that doesn’t collapse without you. 


Structure Is Care 


Most people KNOW this, but putting it into practice is the hard part. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s steadiness.

Real leadership isn’t being the strongest person in the room.

It’s building a room that functions when you step out of it.

When I go to shower now, especially when Micah isn’t home, I’m rarely interrupted. The kids know what to do, and what not to do (outside of our youngest, he’s still a wildcard). This didn’t happen because I became louder, more organized, or more “on top of things”... it happened because we started building systems that everyone understood.

In business this looks like clear delegation, defined ownership, decision frameworks, clear metrics, and meetings that actually move things forward - no more meetings that could be an email ;) 

None of this is flashy, but it’s the different between a business that depends on the founder, and one that actually grows beyond them.

When I launched this business, I thought leadership meant holding it all together. Now… it means building something enough that I don’t have to. That’s the kind of leadership I help founders build.

Elisabeth Brown